I recently read a list called, “The 10 Most Embarrassing Things I Used to Believe” on The Awl. Now, inspired by my current favourite writier/blogger/drinker Alex Balk, I create my own variation on this list:
The 5 Most Embarrassing Phrases I Used to Use
or My Sister Was Right, I Sounded Like an Idiot.
5.Mmm yeah burritos, yeah
4. Oh for Petey has sakes.
3. Oh my Cow to Betsey (I still say this, actually)
2. Shucks my bucks
1. Maroon 5 will be the next Beatles.
There really isn’t a whole lot one needs to know about Crazy Blue Protesting Lady as she is lovingly referred to by the UNL student population. She wears a blue coat, thinks technology and Obama are the devil, and hates the Chinese. CBPL also seems to like cold weather, since she is never outdoors when it is warm and nice out. Her blue coat, non-sensical flyers and strange rants on the Union Plaza have made her famous, if not infamous. She takes “hate preaching” a step further since she doesn’t just wave a Bible around that someone else wrote and translated for her thousands of years ago. No, not Blue Coat Lady. She writes this shit herself.
This is an example of one posters my friend (and contributing writer) Maddie Jager and I took from downtown. CBPL really loves lamp posts.
UNL has embraced CBPL as a part of our culture. In reality, of all the people who stake out on the plaza to spew words into the dissinterested ears of students who would rather be drinking, she is one of the less annoying ones. Her voice is a little whiney for my taste, but that’s a personal thing.
I can’t help but love someone who feels this strongly about the safety of Lincoln college students, and really mankind in general. Maybe come December (12/21/12) we will learn that she knew something we all didn’t. But she probably hates the Mayans.
But here, I have considered a few reasons Crazy Blue Protesting Lady might actually be making sense:
– She is an alien from the Planet “America” which has recently learned that its sister colony “Earth America” will suffer greatly from advances in technology and people from other colonies.
-She found these messages in the lining of her blue coat when she found it at GoodWill, and was convinced it was a sign from God that she must use the coat to become a beacon of truth.
-A fellow church member was seriously injured by a spontaneous combusting laptop. When the smoke cleared, the pieces of the laptop spelled out “communism.”
-She is right
-She is just kidding
This is that obligatory post where I delete the garble that was previously here and then realize I don’t have anything ready just yet. I was just saving my seat here on the internet. Stay warm.